im feeling down and ALIENATED PLUS SECLUDED

in da middle of da nite, i am clueless..looking through my FB is totally boring and lame...i dunno why, i listening to da song 'love the way you lie' over and over again..then i switch 2 the clubbin rythm which club you cant handle me..im feeling down..im clueless, im full of fonder, i keep thinking bout my brories...there is also something that bothers me..ow how i realised im not such a faithful disciples of Jesus...im been through a lot of sins that i knew those are wrong and sinful, i love you Lord Jesus..be blessed..amen...writing helps me express my self..i think i am so stupid that create my own inner drama...ow gosh...i am lonely, people might see me as a jollyful and happy person, but da reality is i am lonely, nobody wanna chats with me at facebook..nobody wanna text me, nobody wanna greets me, do I the only one yg ingat dorang or memang sy yg ego..so in this case, me da one who really search for them..ow gosh..this is______________, memang macam ne ja la hidup sy..sy yg cr org kasi gembira sma kasi rapat hubungan...dorang xkisah pn sma sy..adei...Tuhan tolong la sy..bantu la sy..so tat means, i shud open my heart for love*ow damn...entah la, maybe memang sy org yg terpinggir and type of person yg pigi cr org..ow gosh..patutla org ckp sy ne xpandai malu..klu sy ckp sy malu, dorang heran.pukima jg kn..ow! i shud stop memaki..adeiz..sampai ada org ckp sy ne minta puji ba..pnya men sedih sy, sy pnya character memang mcm 2 la ba kn..entah la..sy sorang ja la ne kn yg take care of anybody else..klu cm2 kn.bgs sy hidup sorang2..budu..boring ba dunia!!!!!!!!! Do i really need to show my effort to find them..ee..sy bosan suda mcm ne ow,,,mcm kena guna2 jax ba,,kima2,,klu mo tw la kn..chatlist sy kadang smp 60orang online..tp kesian kn..sorang pn xchat sma sy..mcm palui ja la ne sy kn..bgs sy delete FB sy teruS..tp FB ne bagus..coz i can easy cr maklumat such as classes and also CSS schedule..i2 la 2 sy blm mw delete FB sy..adez..so kesian ow kn me,.kena bt cmne,,damn2..adei xtw lg la cmna mw ckp..nama jax ada kwn..tp sy rasa sy belum jumpa my true friend/s..sy btl pray and hope yg Tuhan akan tolong sy..or memang ada suda cuma sy jax yg xtw...ow Lord,please help me..ee...RECLUSE OW SY RSA!!!!!!!!!!sy sedih ow dgn hidup sy...xguna ow sy caring sma dorang..ka sy jax yg ego..xmw sms la kunun..xmw start conversation.then terus da lil'devil inside my heart ckp...takkan mesti ko jax kn..haha..dui ba.mcm ada bad and good sides ne on my both sides..

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after long time i din post anything here in my blog, then tiba2..ada mood plak mw berblogging ne mlm..haha..
ok 1st..to all my followers i wolud like to apologise for doesnt has the intention 2 blogging..haha..so sorry ok..its been a long time..really very2 long time..haha..well..my life had changed a lot..yes!!A lot. no doubt about that,,
being a student..well..a university student title!!DUh*..haha
landed on da course that i never dreamed of 2 be..then fly away from east to the almost west of malaysia..to be in da middle of the chaotic life..huh!!!
i dunno how i can changed my self from a bit to a massive changed in these 5 months or more...see..during i was staying in shah alam..i never grab the chance to update my blog..on the other hand when about 8 months ago, i was thinking blogging is such an opportunity for me to express my feeling then it turned down,haha..wow!!!...dear my blog..u had missed a lot of things that i should shared with you..haha..

well the real point i am writing here is.ok blog i know u noe..yap!!!
im been depressed again...for such along time also..i nvr suffer from this kind of feeling since during the post spm hols before..but then..being such alone in this long sem break makes me, i think fall into the depression again.. such have a feeling that they dun take care of me again., they dun want to know about me.they had the bad feeling..hence, i intend to deactivate my FB..but well, this is yet not a crucial circumstance, but i already took the baby steps where i dun log in often to my FB, but just look through the notifications via my email where i still can take a glance on what happen in my FB..i dunno.u noe that mr. blog, that feeling that we've been shared through ages ago..haha..so i can conclude here..PEOPLE IN FACEBOOK, THEY REALLY LET ME DOWN, IM TIRED OF IT,.plus all the brories made me sick..ok im feeling so guilty to tell it here, but i dun care..well, i think i had spent about rm 100++ to buy them for their souveniers..which is not a cheapskate materials but things that I dun have for myself..well..is this karma?? i just hope my karma is back..no!!!!!!! These already been destined by our Lord Jesus, praise to Him,im trying very hard*ok not too hard*..to have them back especially the eldest which is____________________okay i dunno what is the right word..but..duh!!!it just a piece of shit..i cant stand it anymore..the world makes me sick...it is such a tough life for me..i cant barely stand and defeat it!!!! The circumstances that i've been through make my self creates his own drama and own stupid mens rea..ow this is totally crap..i bullshit my self..i dunno..i've been bundled it for my own to take it alone and swallow it..but thanks be to God..i can digest it very well..where i digest it to pieces and let go..so i can move forward..wow its sucah a long entry..well NVM..it is a treat for my so-not-updated-blog..haha..okay..till then..

long time suda ne..

wow..long time suda ne sy xbloggin..haha..many things happen(banyak meh??)
haha..diz school break is sucks..haha..mcm la sy ne masih in school life..cuti ja sy 3 bulan suda..haha..i said it so coz didn't went anywer diz hols..quite boring la..buka skul bru sy jln..haha...btw..my driving license is still x yet done..sucks ow..lama suda ne..4bulan suda..lama gila ow..bukan la apa kn sy mo ckp..kwn2 sy yg len dpt suda...yg sma2 bengkel pn ada suda lesen..baru la ne..aiya..mcm terlampau ramai ba org my tutor pegang..shutZ..mw jg sy ckp..but u noe la kn cmna jg..got segan la ba jg kn..dui~~~~..haha..many times i felt down because of the same reason..never changed-huh..upset o me diz..lalala..life is so beautiful..many things in our life are so wonderful to be explored and enjoyed..huhu..well..best of luck 2 me so that i can enrol in the best university and pursue my dream and ambition..amen...

wut can i say..

anne yg minta upload..haha

double f***

aq simpan kemarahan ne sejak kelmarin lg..sedang2 on9 2..nmpk la pompuan ni pnya gambar..entah la napa aq nampak pic tat gurl..aq rasa marah..xtw la y..yg pntg tym 2 mcm aq mo tulis ja kat post fb aq..damn tat bitch..huh..tp xbrpa marah la tym 2..sekali td aq on9 la..cr2 stufz kat int ne..trs terpandang satu pic..aq mmg avoid budak ne..so xnak la tgk dy..even dlm gmbr..klu x..susah nak 4got bout tat person...tp tertgk..haha...aq ada baca la comments kat pic 2..em..gt sumthng written der..juz let me da only person noe k..em ntah la..me so happy la utk dy jg coz jd cm 2 kn..since aq rapat dgn dy(dulu la)//mmg ramai org ckp g2 sama dy..em tp..ntah la..its a weird things klu tat stuffz terjD sama aq..haha..aq tumpang hepi la jg utk dy..but..omg..fuck..its 2 hard 2 explain..trs continuin on9..aq bka fs lak..tgh cr kwn2 lama aq..kluar la muka sorang 2..aq pn xtw.. napa muka si sial ne yg kuar..tp layan ja la..tgk kunun umur dy..ba..mcm fuck ja..umur dy 5tahun tua kunun..padahal umur dy bru ja...**..haha..yg pntg damn la..aq tgk la pic dy..coz aq dgn dy pernah entah bekerjasama at da past kn..aq [n xtw napa aq msT dgn dy..em..bila teringat pasal si sial ne..aq teringat la psl satu projek dulu..dy suru aq bt satu benda ne..mengambil nama org la kn..trs..entah la..tym 2 mmmg wrong timing..budak2 smua kluar lambat kn..ada usrah kat surau ka 2(tym kat maktab..prep malam)..jd cmna mo ambl nama..sekali..dorang da dtg..jam 9 da..aq rushin la pg ambl nama..dr smua form..suda pass2 keja ba 2..tp smua mlm 2 bz..trs..i dunno la my salah ka x..yg pntg dy ckp dgn smua org(yg tanya ja la)..i messed up..what da f*ck..aq yg bt keja mlm 2..trs dy ckp lg g2 psl aq..pnya la aq marah..huhu..bab* nya..siyal..em..2la..aq double marah tym ne..so hate diz stuff..xpa la..sorangt 2 stil exist in ma life(dlm hati la)...satu 2..aq da malas nak connect dgn dy..buakn ada faedah pn if aq berterusan frenz dgn dy(mmg x frenz..cuma.kenalan)..em xpa la..damn